posted July 28, 2006 at 20:08 in Other Articles

Despite last week’s brawl at the song counter, this past week’s Rockstar Supernova team, lead by none other than the tempestuous Storm, (whose momentous swan dive earned her the encore performance this week), actually (civilly) chose their song selections without getting all up into each other’s faces. This was a great feat, despite the fact that the ratings would have most likely skyrocketed if a mud wrestling match would have ensued. (Never mind winning, I’d PAY to watch Dilana and Jill go at it!! Could you imagine that hair pulling contest?! Eyes being plucked out, limbs everywhere…Yeah, Baby, yeah!!!!)

With regrettably slight scarring, it seems that this week Jill won the spitting contest, and got the gig with Gilby. Although they both seemed to have barely survived the torture, she did a fantastic job on the vocals and the gymnastic-level energy of her performance. Gilby, on the other hand, could not handle her closeness; his claim being that she was too sexually aggressive with him. You must be the only guy on the face of the earth that would complain about a beautiful girl grinding against you!! Get your head out of your ass!! That right there tells me that he’ll be looking for a male vocalist instead of a female. Despite all of this, Jill still can’t seem to keep her tongue under wraps (another useful attribute?!), something which I believe will be her undoing. Let’s see how long she can hold out.

Amongst some excellent performances, including Toby’s rendition of Billy Idols’ “White Wedding”, which seems to have redeemed him from his white-washed image from the past weeks, and Dilana’s beautifully raw “Time After Time” (showcasing her Tina Turner-inspired roots), there were a few mediocre ones. First on my list was Magni’s pitifully dull rendition of “Heroes,” which, for some miraculous reason, did NOT get him into the bottom three. Patrice, who has been an unfailing competitor so far, just hasn’t changed it up enough, warranting a possible eviction notice. She took well to the wake up call, and sold her soul for her performance of “My Iron Lung” which, along with her washboard abs and receding shirt line, yanked her out of the burning coals into the safety zone for yet another week. Zayra, no longer able to hide her frustration at being in the bottom three for the 3rd time in four weeks, did a pleading version of “I’m Not An Addict” by K’s Choice. It was the most heartfelt, honest performance that I’ve seen out of her yet; as she emoted the powerlessness of her fight against convention, instead of the showmanship and glitz that she normally exudes. Her electric blue, Abba inspired outfit from her last performance did not cover enough of her ass to save her from her fall, despite Tommy’s admission that “the last time (he) saw an outfit like that, (he) woke up with boot and teeth marks all over my body.” Ah, Tommy. We don’t need any more info-we’ve already seen the video, for God’s sake!!

And then, there’s Phil. Am I the only one who keeps imagining him as a live version of “Shaggy” from Scooby-Doo? His style is too goofy to take seriously (I think that that is what Jason Newsted meant by the annoying “head-bobbing” reference.) Don’t get me wrong, he seems to be a nice guy; real “Metrosexual” in fact, which is not a word synonymous with Rock Stardom, but more with Pop. If it’s George Michael he’s trying to imitate, he’s got it down. But, it seems that he is doomed to Failure. His rendition of their song “Smoking Umbrellas”, while well chosen for the elimination round, was not enough to save his gangly butt. He’s too laid back, too staid, too boring to watch. My advice? Stop smoking pot, and you’ll go places, Dude!

On another note, I feel that I absolutely have to mention Dana’s evolutionary rendition of Nirvana’s “About A Girl.” Her acoustic take on the mega hit finally showcased her rougher, unrefined side (hey, guys, it actually exists!!) Whether this came across instead as late-blooming teenaged angst or actual desperation, one will never know. (Can anyone say “Pieces of April”? It was like déjà-vu.) According to our props, she’s still head to head with Jill to be the next one getting the curtain call.

Oh, you disagree, do you? You still have a chance to win our contest - a contest of wits. Place your bets on who will win this season’s gig, byBetting on Rock Star Supernova. Think about it - if we’re wrong, you could end up with a whole helluva lot of dough. Go ahead, prove us wrong, we dare ya!!